A recent article in the Sunday Times caught my eye; it quotes an NHS study which found that mental disorders such as depression and panic attacks rose by 20% among women between 1993 and 2007 whereas they had not increased at all among men. The suggestion in the article is that this is the price we are paying for trying to have it all; “the demands of being career woman, domestic goddess, yummy mummy and pillar of family and community are all too much”.

I wonder if much of this begins after childbirth with a response to that enormous life change which then becomes labelled as postnatal depression. This can dog us for many years as we become burdened by guilt that we are just not good enough. To justify ourselves we jump on that hamster wheel to prove that we can do and have it all. After a while some of us fall off that wheel and realize we can’t and that indeed we don’t want to. But that response way back when are children are born is not necessarily a clinical condition. Although in 10% of women it is, for the vast majority of us it is a normal grief response to losses which are as inevitable as the joy we experience when are children are born; career, identity, freedom and independence to name but a few .. if only we could just experience it as such.

So what can we do about it? I think that firstly it’s important to become aware of the damage we are doing to ourselves by living our lives on the hamster wheel. These high levels of stress will inevitably affect us in some way whether it be in our mental health or physical wellbeing. There is irrefutable evidence linking stress to a range of conditions. And is it all worth it? If you are reading this and you are one of these women wanting to have it all just stop a moment and think “How am I really feeling? Is this what I really want?” And just stop and breathe!

And then take stock and think about asking for help to make some changes to have a better quality of life! Life coaching is a great resource! And here I make no bones about a bit of advertising .. come to the Womens Wellbeing workshop I am co-hosting with the fabulous Tracey Wall of http://www.empoweringmums.co.uk/ at Nunsmere Hotel in the lovely Cheshire countryside. Early bird booking is open right now on https://www.eventelephant.com/womenswellbeingday.

And finally please take notice of the experiences of myself and other people like me who fell off that hamster wheel we have created for ourselves .. it isn’t necessarily something that happens only to other people? And is “having it all” really worth it?