When did you last connect, I mean really connect with a friend, a member of your family, a colleague? And does it matter? I have long been concerned that in the age we live in, in which people always seem to be in a hurry, we are bombarded with information via technology, we are losing our ability to connect with each other in a meaningful way.

Babies come into the world ready to communicate with their parents. You can see it in the intense gaze they fix on them, the pleasure they show in those early to and fro games. They are also attuned to their parents’ voices even before they’re born. I remember years ago seeing and being disturbed by the video footage of a mother with postnatal depression unable to connect with her baby because of her depression. Research has shown that these babies’ development can be delayed. Connection is what helps us all thrive emotionally, physically, spiritually and intellectually (Brown 2010). Neuroscience has now proved conclusively that our brains are hard wired for connection.

And if you think about it we are all a part of a social world and cannot operate in isolation. I am reminded of the theory that we are all within six degrees of separation from every other person on the planet.

But what is really happening in the world right now? Some would argue that technology, such as mobile phones, Facebook and Twitter, has enabled us to be connected with even more people than ever before. However Brown (2010), and I would strongly recommend her book “The Gifts of Imperfection”, argues that we have confused “being communicative with feeling connected” (p20). Think of the times when you are in a restaurant and see people apparently enjoying a meal together but when you watch they appear more concerned with texting their friends than really connecting with the people they’re with.

According to Rock and Page (2009) when we connect intensely with another human being, ie having quality conversations, our physical responses are the opposite to the stress response, oxytocin is released, a highly pleasurable chemical. In other words it is good for us!! So my request to anyone reading this is to reflect on how you connect with the people in your life that really matter and see how it could be better and take some action.

One of the things I love about coaching and it doesn’t happen on every client encounter is that fantastic feeling of being fully connected with my client. That’s when the greatest transformation happen and it’s what makes my job so fulfilling.

References:
Brown B (2010) The Gifts of Imperfection Hazelden: Minnesota
Rock D, Page LJ (2009 ) Coaching with the Brain in Mind John Wiley & Sons: New Jersey